Random Thoughts, Not Gospel
If there is a Hell, it is not a hot place, it is a cold place. That is a statement that I have made for the past 20 years because of my fear of the cold. Although I have suffered through brutal winters in Philadelphia and Boston, the island blood still runs through my veins. Long-held beliefs sometimes change based on new experiences. On my 53rd birthday, I found myself wading into the freezing cold water in Martha’s Vineyard to fellowship with the famous Polar Bears. I admired them for over 10 years from the shore but always thought that the gifts that God gave me didn’t include the courage to dive in at 7:30am.
Life gives us the lessons that we need when we need them. Often, we are too busy living to take time for self-reflection, to assess how far we have traveled, examine what we have learned, and how our experiences have affected our beliefs along the way. The hour spent surrounded by a sea of love from the powerful Polar Bear sisterhood resulted in an awakening. As we exercised, we were asked to state our word for the day - my word was creativity. Honestly, I was anxiously trying to think of a word that was more profound but could not let go of creativity. As the year progresses, I remain open to learning why that word was placed on my heart and how it will show up in my life this birthday year. What I know for sure is that the pandemic years brought both Covid and time to reflect on my journey thus far. We have all been changed in ways that we are just discovering. Birthdays have become more meaningful, teachers and our health care workers are more appreciated, less time commuting and more time at home with the ones that we love is vital. As the self-discovery continues, I am sharing a few lessons learned on the journey, and I am excited to hear from readers, what beliefs you have discarded and truths you now hold dear.
Surprise! Time starts to become more valuable than money. On the other side of 50, time wasters were a nuisance but as you get older and wiser, you begin to set boundaries to protect your time even more than you protect your purse. Distance yourself from time stealers.
Being surrounded by love is the most valuable form of wealth. Our first investment should be in the people that we cherish, and who show us love through words and deeds.
Mentorship is one of the best gifts that you can give. Mentorship is one of the best gifts that you can give. Share what you have learned to make the path easier for someone else; it also helps you leave a wonderful legacy of kindness. To be an effective mentor, you have to share both your struggles and your triumphs.
Your circle of trust should be smaller than your circle of friends. Have confidence in the wisdom that you have garnered over the past 50 years. Trust your insticts. Seek advice from only a few trusted friends.
Many of our fears and anxieties come from feeling alone in our circumstances. The truth behind the cloud is that you are not alone. Counseling is life-saving. Journaling is life-affirming. Support groups are the village of love that the universe wanted for humanity.
Silence is a powerful response. Some doors close without a sound but the message is the same as the ones that slam shut.
Get very comfortable with taking a mental health day; good mental and physical health are essential to happiness and longevity. At 40, I became far-sighted and at 50, my night vision decreased. Pay attention to changes in your mind and body, trust your instincts and get consistent medical care. Also, knowing the medical history of key family members can be life-saving.
A pin-prick to your toe can hurt just as much as a hammer to someone else’s toe; don’t diminish your struggles. Give yourself the freedom to grieve when it hurts, express your feelings without downplaying them, and practice maximum self-care.
Faith works when you do. God is the light in a world filled with many dark days; we are the conduit for that light. The work that you do to help yourself and others is God’s work.
The devices that you control should not be a source of anxiety. Don’t let anyone bully, disrespect you, or control your time on a medium that you control. In the kindest way possible, set boundaries and communicate them, give a warning when possible, then block and delete.
Your thoughts can empower you or diminish you. “Not today, devil,” is my favorite thing to say to myself when negativity creeps in.
If you can’t see the light, the light is within you. Try to shine from within even when you can’t see your own way; maybe in this moment, you were meant to be the lighthouse for someone in need.
Setbacks are not defeats. Setbacks are more manageable when you know yourself well enough to be confident in your endgame. When you can see the mountaintop, a pebble in the road doesn’t feel like a boulder. If you are unclear, consider legacy as an endgame — leaving positive footprints on life’s journey; often, the good that you do is enough.
Most advice and social media posts are random thoughts, not gospel. Honor someone else’s experience even if you don’t understand it or agree with the path that they have chosen. Choose empathy over judgment. If you see it, read it, or experience it and it is not for you, simply move on. Another person’s truth isn’t your gospel. We are unique beings living different but no less authentic truths.
Our dreams, hopes and fears change as we grow, mindfulness centers us so that we can enjoy the journey. Mindfulness is clearing out enough clutter from life to be able to be present for the shift. It is possible to leave yourself behind by still chasing the life that you wanted 10 years ago; your past dreams may not be in line with how you have grown, personally, professionally and spiritually. Now is the time to fully walk in your truth.
For me, maybe hell is no longer a cold place; it is having a “groundhog” day experience on the rollercoaster of life, where there is no opportunity for growth or to truly enjoy the journey. Each decade is important but the 50s feel like the decade of spiritual growth, and yes, creativity.
Janet is the Founder of The Island Mindful Path. She has over 25 years of service as an attorney and administrative law judge, and is the author of 5 books, including Island Mindfulness: How to Use the Transformational Power of Mindfulness to Create an Abundant Life, which is available on Amazon. Instagram: www.instagram.com/janetautherine. Facebook: www.facebook.com/JanetAutherineJ
