Confession: I am an introvert and I really look forward to holiday festivities. That wasn’t always the case but after attending hundreds of social activities, I learned that it is easy to go with enthusiasm and have a good, even great time, as long as I have a plan before I enter, First, don’t lose sight of the fact that you are a beautiful person and you already possess everything that you need to have a joyful holiday season - a loving heart, peaceful spirit, and an attitude of gratitude. The only thing that is really required of you is to stay centered and true to yourself in the midst of the uncertainties, surprises and awkward moments that holiday gatherings bring.

Introverts enjoy being around the right people and we are grateful to be invited to gatherings, however, we run out of steam so much faster than extroverts, and large crowds can be overwhelming. Introverts are energized by internal forces; yes, we can be very social but we also need time for quiet thoughts, reflection and the peaceful flow of energy so that we can recharge our batteries.

For the introvert who is dreading hours of small talk during a holiday gathering but does not want to appear anti-social, here are a few tips to master the holiday gathering, while presenting as the really cool person that you really are.

1. Set yourself up for success by identifying one thing that you are looking forward to (mom’s sweet potato pie, reconnecting with an old friend, the party favors).

2. Arrive early and make that connection with the host before everyone arrives.  

3. Offer to assist (hang up coats, distribute name tags, hand out holiday presents, entertain the kids or family pets (only if this is something that you love) because when you are busy doing, you are not busy making small talk.

4. Identify a friend, family member, or a stranger that look like they may have an interesting story to tell, and strike up a conversation. Start with a compliment. One of the many reasons that extroverts love introverts is that we are amazing listeners.

5. Greet guests! Yes, I know that this is surprising but if you meet guests at the door and welcome them in, you have already had a warm exchange and the ice has been broken.

6. You need a prop - drink in one hand, small plate of food in the other.  Everyone understands the need to exit a conversation to refill a drink or get another piece of sweet potato pie. 

7. Be prepared to smile and nod, often. A smile relaxes the body and is a welcoming gesture, while nodding signals that you are listening and the message is resonating with you.

8. Find that other introvert in the room.  I wish that we had a special nod or handshake but we can be easily found lurking around the buffet, on the outskirts of a conversation, getting to know the pets or with beads of sweat on our forehead because we are afraid that someone will ask us to make a speech, pray over the food or introduce ourselves to everyone at the table. 

9. Take mini breaks to recharge.  I am sure that you already know where to find the bathroom, after all you are an introvert, and that is where we usually go to recharge.

10. Have a great time!  It is the holiday season and you have so much to be thankful for, including being loved enough to be welcomed with open arms to a gathering of friends and family, or new acquaintances.  

Don’t wait until you are completely depleted to say goodbye.  Give yourself about 15 minutes to exit in anticipation of that one person who loves a long goodbye.  Hug, wave, blow kisses and express sincere gratitude for being invited to the table.  If you must give a reason for your exit, mention that you have a project that you are working on (calculating how much sleep you will need to recover) but so thankful for the opportunity to fellowship with everyone.

Remember that one of the biggest blessings of the holidays is being surrounded by people who gladly prepare a place at their table for us. Happy Holidays!

Janet is the author of 5 books, including Island Mindfulness: How to Use the Transformational Power of Mindfulness to Create an Abundant Life. Her books are available on Amazon.

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